


You know I was happier with you

by Footballsucks



Category: Football RPF
Genre: Angst, Happy Ending maybe, Idk where this is goin but im doing it, Its bad lads, Like for the first couple of chapters, M/M, or bittersweet
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-28
Updated: 2018-09-16
Packaged: 2019-06-17 19:35:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 15,198
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15468513
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Footballsucks/pseuds/Footballsucks
Summary: Neymar gets a letter





	1. You know I was happier with you

**Author's Note:**

> Heya lads idk what I'm doing with this

Neymar woke up with a justified yawn as he stretched his arms out. The night before had been wild, both men had been partying till one am and then had to go home. Because a drunk Phil is never a good Phil to have around with a bunch of people. To his surprise he wasn't that bad hung over instead he had a light headache and a bruise on his arm but overall he's good. 

He quietly untangled his limbs from his boyfriend's and got up. He grabbed one of his Brazil national team shirts and slipped it on along with some black shorts. He first thought was to get breakfast because he was starving. But as he checked his phone he saw that it was in fact 1pm and both men had truly slept in for too long. He would order pizza whenever Phil decides to get up then. In the meantime he grabbed a water bottle and headed for the living room. 

He was planning on playing FIFA when he was passing by the door something caught his eye. A white envolpe was on the floor near the door it must have been slipped in by the mail slip. Neymar bit at his lip as he decided to grab it. The envelope itself was white but on the front it was written in bold letters Neymar. The hand writing is something that Neymar felt almost nostalgic to? He almost felt like he's seen it before. He took it to the living room and sat down as he carefully opened it.

He didn't even know why he was doing this it could have been some poisonous shit. But in the back of Neymar's head he knew that it was nothing bad. He carefully opened it and in the envelope was what looks like a letter and a ring? Nothing special it was a toy ring. Neymar opened up the letter and everything flashed back to him. 

 

' Dear Neymar,  
Its Oscar, I know its been two years and eleven month since we last spoke/kissed/ said our 'love you's.' All I have to say is you were right. You were right about it all. 

I shouldn't have left for the money, i shouldn't have. You were right again. You're always right. We're the same age but sometimes it feels as if you know way more then me. Thiago used to say its because of my baby face. I think he's right.

I thought I could make myself happy I thought I didn't need love with me. But i was wrong Neymar I was so wrong. Hulk, you remember him? He didn't get called back to play either. Well we play at the same club now. He keeps me comfort sometimes but not the same way you did. 

I watched you at the world cup, you were beautiful. You made me so proud Neymar so proud and although you didn't win. Oh boy did you win some revenge for what happened last time. I remember watching Germany get out and I was laughing so hard but then I realized you were missing. I realized my best friend turned lover is missing. 

No it didn't take me that long to realize I fucked up. It only took a week but by then everything had changed I was gone in China and you were off in Spain doing your best. And I know the stupid letter won't fix everything but I'm hoping it will fix something. 

Neymar, I turned Into a man I could no longer look at anymore. I avoided mirrors and looking at anything that reminded me of you. But oh God everything remained me of you. The flowers? They swung back and forth like how you used you dance, The bees? They buzzed your name and The sky? It always managed to make the clouds look like you. I remember throwing myself to the ground and sobbing because you could never get rid of someone like you. 

How could i ever get rid of my first love? 

I know I know you've moved on I know, people talk you know? Remember when you would sing that ridiculous song whenever people gossiped about us? I remember the words 'It started with a whisper And that was when I kissed her And then she made my lips hurt I could hear the chit chat' Everyone thought we were a couple for so long. Hell long before we truly knew. 

I guess the same thing could be told about us breaking apart. I remember the day I knew it wasn't going to work out. Its stabbed into my mind no matter how hard I try to erase the memory it won't go away. You were sitting in my lap and you were crying I had just told you I was leaving for China. And all I could do was rub your back but I knew I had lost you that day. 

You made me such a better person Neymar. So I think you deserve to know a few words I want you to know. 

I hope you finally get the happiness you pretend to have. Yes, I remember our rather depressing talks you haven't told anyone since me? I'm guessing. The world is so cruel and yet you are so soft never loose that touch. No matter what anyone says or does to you. Remember softness isn't weak in fact it makes you so much stronger. And to think if our relationship had started at a different time I know i could have been the one for you. And you could have been the one for me expect you still are the one for me. And yes to this day I still feel only love towards you that's all I will ever feel towards you. 

You know I was happier with you. 

 

-Oscar' 

Neymar couldn't help the sobs that left his lips as he threw the letter on the floor and placed his hands on his face. He didn't even bother to quiet down as he cried. All the suppressing and trying to forget Oscar all fell apart at the moment. 

Everyone had just assumed Neymar had ignored Oscar after he left for China. But he hadn't he had just tried to suppress his feelings for the man because it hurt too much. In fact his thoughts sometimes roamed to Oscar but this is the first time he's heard from his ex lover in so long. Oscar. 

Oscar his first love. 

Oscar the man who had left him alone. 

And yet he still mattered so much to him. 

" Oscar you fucking idiot, I love you"  
Neymar groaned out as he cried even harder. His heart and head hurt so much he didn't mean his words. At the moment he was just so frustrated he tried to rub the tears away but they just kept coming down his cheeks. 

His heart was telling him so many things and yet it still wanted some part of Oscar. But the other part of his heart wanted to keep Phil. 

Phil his loving boyfriend who loved him through everything. And just like that Phil came running into the living room.

" Hey baby whats going on? Hey"  
Phil said as he brought Neymar closer to him at hearing the sobs from his boyfriend. Neymar could only shake his head as Phil brought him close to his chest. 

" Shhh its okay"  
Phil hushed as he tried to comfort the man not quite knowing how to comfort the man if he isn't saying anything. Neymar doesn't say anything as he cries harder into his lovers chest. 

Because Neymar was happier with Oscar too.


	2. I fall in love a little bit little bit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Neymar reflects

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah it gets more angsty nice

Neymar didn't say anything after his crying fest with Phil holding him. He didn't say a word. Mostly because he didn't know what to say truly. But he knew he shouldn't tell Phil about the letter he knew full and well Phil would react badly. Either Phil will become conscious of their relationship or he will be angry about it. And Neymar really didn't want to know which one he would prefer. 

Its three pm and he finally managed to get himself together. He sat up on the coach and rubbed at his still teary eyes. Phil had left a good twenty minutes ago to get food for the two. The house is so quiet Neymar doesn't know if he prefers it that way. All he feels is dried tears on his cheeks and he feels gross. It feels as if he has cheated on Phil even if be would never do that in his life time. It sure felt like he had broken something with Phil and managed to re-open an already harsh wound with Oscar.

"Oscar, Oh Oscar you love sick idiot why didn't you tell me earlier"  
Neymar groaned out as he slammed his face back into his hands. His heart had been trying so hard to block out the babyfaced beauty but now that he actually wants Neymar back. Neymar doesn't know what to do? Any other time Neymar would have booked a plane to China and left. But this isn't any other time and he can't just do that. He belongs to Phil now and Phil belongs to him. Then why does it hurt so much to not have Oscar then? 

He laid down on the coach and squeezed his eyes shut. He was hoping this was all just a horrible dream and he would wake up in Phil's arms with no letter, no past memories and no heartache. But as the door softly opened and his eyes snapped open nothing had changed. This is real and all he saw was a sheepish looking Phil holding pizza. He gave him a tired smile and Phil gave him back a much brighter one. 

Phil hadn't asked why Neymar was crying and he didn't even know how he would explain to Phil his meltdown. He just hoped Phil would stall in asking him any questions. He didn't even know if he would be able to answer Phil either way. After all how are you suppose to tell your boyfriend without hurting him that an ex love has sent you a letter and your heart still calls for him. There was no easy way to answer that question. 

Phil, Phil had always been by Neymar's side since Oscar left. Phil didn't know much about Oscar expect from the fact he is sometimes called up to play nationally. Phil is sweet and everything anyone could ever need and more. Neymar can admit he didn't fall in love with the boy straight away. But after two years of friendship Phil had kissed and Neymar had surpsingly kissed back. And that's how they're relationship started and gratefully Neymar fell in love with Phil. Sure it was just the small things at first like when Phil would leave enough milk for Neymar to have with his cereal, when Phil would lay a single piece of chocolate in Neymar's bag before practice or when Phil would give Neymar forehead kisses. Neymar had fallen in love him with slowly but surely. 

 

But now its different so different now Oscar is in the picture. Unlike with Phil, Neymar had fallen in love with the man as soon as he laid eyes on him. Who couldn't be in love with the man after all? His chubby cheeks, his eyes filled with so much ambition, his hair always either perfect or messy and his pink lips.   Neymar remembers sometimes he would pretend to be sick and just watch Oscar dribble the ball during practice. He remembers the day he realized he loved Oscar. It was a few days before the world cup and Neymar was outside hitting the ball at himself when Oscar had popped up. He had playfully complained about Neymar and then kicked the ball back at Neymar with a soft smile. He knew he had fallen in love that day he knew it with all his heart. Neymar loved Oscar and soon enough Oscar loved Neymar too. It was in the locker room and Neymar was upset after a loss but it didn't matter once Oscar kissed him. Everything after came into place it felt normal. 

" Hi baby I brought back your favorite pizza"  
Phil hummed as he places the pizza boxes down on the table across from Neymar. Neymar gave him a thumbs up and sat up again and walked towards Phil. 

" You okay?"   
Phil asked as seeing his boyfriend looking queasy and nervous. But Neymar just shook his head and grabbed a plate. He really didn't want to tell Phil this right now. 

" Yeah, why do you ask that?" 

" Because you were having a melt down in the living room this morning" 

" I don't know it just occurred to me that I lost another world cup ya know?"   
Neymar lied straight through his lips, this is his first time seriously lying to Phil. Usually it would be something small like ' oh I didn't eat the last cookie' but this is so much worse and it makes Neymar sick. But after all he can't control what his heart feels. 

" Don't worry about it darling you have more to come"

" I know, I know. What would I do without you?" 

" You would be dead" 

" Shut up" 

 

*********************

The rest of the afternoon was quiet expect for Phil's blabber about Barca and Spain could be heard. His heart ached even more, Phil would be gone soon and he would be left on his own again. He loves his boyfriend and would never ever leave him behind like Oscar did. And he knows Phil would never leave him like Oscar did. But gosh it hurts so much to see Phil's eyes light up talking about Barca. He doesn't bother to talk about France because he knows it'll upset Phil and the that he's spiteful at the moment. And an upset Phil will not end will for both men. 

Every once and a while when he's half listening to Phil he imagines Oscar. I know he'll probably win the greatest boyfriend award ever for thinking of Oscar. But his heart can't take Phil talking about leaving him not right now for sure. So he thinks about Oscar and how he would be sitting across from him rambling his hand off while one hand is locked with Neymar's hand. And for a minute Neymar smiles he smiles at the thought of remembering Oscar's touch. He was always so gentle he would probabing be rubbing at his palm and then finger tips oh so gently. 

" You know, I'm gonna miss you, you know?"   
Phil says snapping Neymar out of his day dream. Neymar felt himself get upset and a little frustrated. If Phil would miss Neymar so much why was he talking about Barca and Spain when he had Neymar right here? Why think of the future when you can have me right now? He ignored the other half of him that was upset that Phil had interrupted his day dream of Oscar. 

" I bet you will"   
Neymar finally snaps as he gets up from his seat and storms off to their bedroom. He very rarely loses his cool and its even more rare that he gets mad at Phil. But here he is in his bedroom with the door locked as he hears Phil softly knock on the door. He ignores it and slips on his ear buds and flops down on their bed. His face grimaced as he realized what he's doing. 

" Neymar? Why'd you storm off?"   
Phil called out from behind the door and Neymar just wants to jump out the window. He doesn't want to talk about mushy stuff right now he's already upset enough.

" Because I don't want to talk about you leaving me. And you aren't even acting sad about it hell I doubt you would even miss me"  
Neymar hissed not even meaning most of his words but only saying it just to say it. He got rid to any fliter he had on his words at the moment snd was too upset to care. 

" I'm not leaving you and I'm sorry if I made you feel like that. Baby please let me in." 

" Ugh i know you didn't mean to but you did" 

He doesn't hear anything else for a few seconds but he does hears the quiet footsteps leave and he sighs. 

He doesn't want to push Phil away but God he doesn't want Phil to go away he selfishly doesn't want Phil to go to Spain. He doesn't want someone to leave him again. Is having an actual spouse stay with him such a bad thing? What's so wrong with him that no one wants to stay with him? There's nothing wrong with me is there? Maybe he's too desperate yeah maybe that's it.

Neymar harshly curled up his hands letting his blunt nails pinch at his palms. It was a bad habit of his he would do when he's mad or upset. The blunt nails left marks on Neymar's palm as he throws his head back frustrated. He licks his dry lips and pulls himself together. He has to plan what he's doing next after all. God this is so fucking stupid is he actually thinking of leaving Phil for an almost relationship with Oscar?

Yes his mind saus back at him. 

How did everyone and everything manage to get so confusing so quickly? 

His mind plays tricks on him, his mind tells him that if it was Oscar he would have broken down the door to comfort Neymar. And as much as Neymar hates it he knows his mind is telling the truth.

He remembers after one harsh argument with Oscar. Neymar had ran out and into their bedroom slamming the door shut and lockinb it while crying to himself. The argument itself was silly it was about if Oscar even loved Neymar. But after that night Neymar knew Oscar loves Neymar more then the world because Oscar had heard his small cries and attempted to open to the door taking a whole hour of his night to attempt to comfort the man. Till finally Neymar had thought he had given up till he saw Oscar climb into his room through his window with ice cream, roses and apologies. 

Longing for someone is an ugly feeling especially when you already have one. And Neymar can't help but think of Phil's baby face frowning as he hears Neymar cry wondering what to do. That's something his mind can't play with him. Because he knows Phil's loves him so much it hurts. 

He knows Phil loves home he always shows Neymar that. And you know how Phil is better then Oscar? Because Phil has never left Neymar. Phil had never said he would leave and had always stayed with Neymar. He had loved Neymar even when Neymar was at his worst. And just those words alone makes him rethink a lot of things. 

He gathers himself together after counting to 100 he unlocks thr door to see a crying Phil in the hallway sitting with his head in his knees. It broke Neymar's heart to see the once happy man crying so hard. He would never let Phil feel the same way he once did. He decides from then on he will never get annoyed with him talking about Barca.  

" Neymar?"   
Phil asked as he looked up to see his boyfriend already making his way towards him. Neymar nodded and opened his hands as if telling Phil to come hug him. And Phil accepts as he runs up and jumps in Neymar's arms. 

" Shhh its okay, baby"  
Neymar soothed as he wrapped his arms around the other man in comfort. Phil hid his face in Neymar's neck as he let soft tears go slide down his face. Neymar cooed after the man as he comforted him. After all Neymar could never stay mad at the man he loves so dearly.

" I was so scared I upset you and you would leave me" 

Neymar feels his heart drop and the hallway suddenly feels a lot more tense. 

" I would never"   
Neymar mumbled against Phil's shoulder.

His hands become sweaty and he doesn't know why. This is the truth after all he would never leave Phil. His heart jumps in his throat at that. Why would he leave the love of his life after all? 

" Promise? " 

Neymar can't breath for a minute and he almost drops Phil. 

" I promise" 

Neymar crosses his fingers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you guys don't know if you want to not stay loyal to a promise you cross your fingers for it to not mean anything


	3. Hard breaths and fast hearts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Neymar shows a bit more of his and Phil's relationship

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I miss Oscar

Neymar can't believe he did that.

He would never leave Phil he swears and yet his fingers were crossed. His fingers we're crossed when he promised Phil something. Something you should never promise someone unless you're being 100% truthful. His mama always told him never lie about anything involving love it could be as simple as sarcastically saying ' I love this' you should never lie about love. 

His mother wouldn't be proud or happy for what he has just done. And he doesn't know if that's what makes his mouth become dry or the fact Phil's breathing doesn't match his heart beat. Because your heart beat has to match your lovers breathing its something silly his pa had told him. Or maybe it's the fact he's about to pass out from the fact hes breathing so heavily. 

He has just made love with Phil it was passionate and in the heat of the moment all Neymar could feel was love for the man. After each thrust an ' I love you phil' could be heard in the less then quiet room. Meanwhile Phil could only nod and attempt to moan the words back. But Phil never could finish up his "I love you's' back and because of how roughly Neymar was thrusting. And somehow that made Neymar at peace with the situation a little bit more. 

But once he saw the blissful look on Phil's face and the man wither underneath him. His lips are parted and his pink tounge just briefly sticks out, his eyes are tightly closed and Neymar has to look away. He moans out Phil's name and its over. Phil lays next to him and wraps his body around Neymar he falls asleep minutes after. And now here Neymar was 10 minutes after the events breathing so hard he fears he'll suffocate if he keeps this up. He's never felt this before and it hurts. Tears show on the brink of his eyes and he frustratingly brushes them away. 

" Baby? Calm down its okay we will talk in the morning just lay down and relax"   
Phil mumbled as his arm moved to gently stroke Neymar's arm. Neymar seemed to realize what he was doing as he laid back down next to Phil. Phil now was basically on top of him again and Neymar didn't mind. He accepted the comfort from the younger man and let himself calm down. Phil was kissing his chest tattoos and  snuggling into his side. He hears Phil murr a brief ' I love you' after every small kiss. Neymar's heart beats a little faster after each kiss and he embraces the love. 

" Neymar?" 

" Yeah Phil?" 

" You love me?" 

" Yeah baby I love you" 

" Mhm now i can finally sleep" 

" Phil?" 

" Yeah?" 

" I love you" 

" I love you too" 

This time it wasn't a lie. 

Neymar's heart feels calm, hell the most calm he's felt this week. 

He hears Phil's light snores and he falls asleep with the man clinging to him.

 

**************************** 

Neymar knows this is wrong he knows full and well. But he doesn't care its time its finally time. And God forgive him but he doesn't mind this at all. 

" I've missed you so much, baby"   
Oscar mumbles against his lips as he presses small kisses to his cheek. He takes a deep breath and let's his lips sloppily kiss Oscar back his teeth getting in the way most of the time. But he doesn't care because the beauty is right there finally. He's finally here and he's only here for Neymar. 

Oscar smells of Brazil and home. Even though its been year since he's been at his home town in brazil, oh how Oscar still smells like home. That's the thing about oscar, he can change all he wants but he will always be the same man. The same sweet smiling boy that Neymar had meet when they were both silly kids. Back when they thought nothing of their brief eye contact or touches on the tummy. Long before he knew he hsd fallen in love with Oscar. 

" I've missed you so much, Oscar I've waitied so long for you so long. Its been too long so long. Never leave me Oscar please never leave me"   
Neymar begged as his legs wrapped around Oscar's waist needily. Oscar's right hand went to support Neymar's back while the other grasped Neymar's cheek lovingly. And suddenly this is all Neymar needs he just needs a sign that Oscar wants it too. 

" I made a mistake leaving you, baby and as long as you want to be mine i swear to God I'll never let you go"   
Oscar said just as passionately back as he smashed his lips on Neymar's lips. Both men didn't have to say much more as Neymar was crazily nodding to Oscar's words while his hands tangled themselves in Oscar's hair. Its been much too long since he's been able to touch Oscar's locks of hair. 

And then it hits him whike he's starring at his Oscar's hair. 

" Oscar, I can't"   
Neymar whinned as he unwrapped his feet from Oscar's waist and attempted to get off him. He could practically see Oscar's face crumble at his words and hurt blend into his face as he stares at Neymar. 

" Why Neymar? I want you and you want me, isn't that enough?"   
Oscar asked and Neymar wanted to cry at how Oscar was lookibg at him right now. Its looks like he's just seen Neymar punch a puppy in the face. Neymar has to look away to not totally break. 

" Oscar, you aren't the only one in the picture"   
Neymar said quietly as he took a few steps away from Oscar. He chewed on his bottom lip and felt himself pinch his palm. He don't dare to sneak a peak at Oscar he already knows all too well Oscar's crying face. And when he hears light sniffles he feels himself start to break.

" What do you mean? Neymar please tell me what you mean?"   
Neymar can hear Oscar's voice trembles and he regrets all his actions up to this very point. Neymar didn't even know what to say or what to do. He bit harder on his bottom lip he could taste the metallic taste of blood and he has to tell Oscar the truth. 

" Oscar I had to move on"   
Neymar whispers and he hears Oscar's breath hitch. He doesn't know if that's better or worsing then heading him cry. Everything stops for a moment and Oscar surpsingly pulls him close to Oscar's chest. Neymar shakes his head as he wraps his arms around his middle and hides his face in Oscar's chest. 

" With who?" 

" Phil" 

" Who?" 

" Phil Coutinho" 

Everything was so tense and Neymar did not like it one bit. He finally took the risk and looked up at Oscar. Neymar could always read Oscar's face and the man was deciding on what to say. Neymar didn't blame him he didn't know what he would do if he found out Oscar is dating someone else.

" Oh " 

" Don't leave me "   
Neymar begs clinging to him so desperately that if he lets go he'll die. Which he might as well die if Oscar rejects him.

" I have to" 

" No Oscar please don't leave me again"  
Neymar shouted not knowing where his out burst has came from but it did. And Oscar just shakes his head and runs his slender fingers up and down Neymar's neck. Because when Neymar was ever upset Oscar did the simple action and everything was fixed. 

" Neymar" 

" I'll leave him for you"   
Neymar blurts out and he doesn't know where this is coming from. Because he can't even handle being a few steps away from Phil nonetheless totally not with him. But he's willing to try he's willing to try for Oscar. The man stares back at him just as shocked by the discoveries but sends him a small smile.

" What? Why would you do that?" 

" Because I love you" 

" Come to bed, Neymar you work too hard I want to give you some peace" 

And with that Oscar stripped both of the men close to naked and Oscar spooned him as they both slept. But Neymar wasn't tired at all but anything Oscar says he'll do. And as he falls asleep he hears the faint sound of something that sounds like ' I love you'

**********************

Neymar's head slings up as he looks around rather worriedly. He doesn't see Oscar's head in the pillows sleeping next to him and his heart drops. It was a nasty dream his head had made up to fill the lonely feeling. Neymar sighs and pats the pillow next on the other side of him to find Phil not there either. 

He slumbs himself up and heads to the living room its too early for this. Way too early to be crying over a love that could have been. The dream felt so real, Neymar even had real tears dripping down his face. He felt like he had touched Oscar and he felt like he had finally arrived at home. And yet here he is a mess of a man sitting down wondering what had even happened. Everything still felt so surreal and unnatural it feels as if he's in a dream. Expect when he pinches his skin he feels the tingle burn through his body. Its real life alright.

Oscar was in his dream and he had dreamed that the man had finally taken him. Taken him away from this mess of reality and he didn't deny Oscar at all. But what really hit him hard is that he had cheated on Phil in the dream. He had kissed another man and confessed his love for Oscar. He didn't even think of Phil till much later on in the dream. Guilt stringed up through his chest as he felt himself become sick. He sat himself down on the sofa and pulled his knees up to his chest as if to comfort himself. 

He's still naked from the nights before events and he doesn't care because everything hurts again. Phil won't be here for three days he had gone off to visit his kids. He had told Neymar just two days before the trip was going to start he had agreed to visit them so Neymar didn't know why he had even asked Neymar. Because at the end of the day Neymar knew he comes behind Phil's kids and his wife. 

Yes, you heard that right, wife he couldn't even get a position in front of Phil's wife. Phil had always placed his family first and Neymar can agree their Davi will always be his number one. If the day comes and Davi wants Phil out of the picture all he has to do is say the word and he's out. It's just simple rules for Neymar but Phil takes this to a whole new level. Phil won't even let Neymar meet Phil's kids.

" just in case they get attached and things don't work out"   
Phil would always say when Neymar would question his choice. Neymar would always try so hard to not snap at the man.

You are basically setting us up for failure   
Neymar would think but instead he would softly frown.

" If you say so sweetie"   
He wouldn't say much more after that. 

Hell Phil had have a habit of messing their dates because the wife had called and needed favors. It frustrates Neymar so much to be Phil's number three. Yeah number three there's rumors that there's another child but Neymar ignores them. He ignores the slight bump of the women's tummy whenever she comes over. Because if he doesn't acknowledge it, it doesn't exist. 

Because he knows he can't do anything about it. He can't yell at the women for she doesn't even know and he can't yell at Phil because they're not a 'true' couple. They're especially not a true couple when Phil has two pairs of dark, brown gorgeous eyes calling Phil, papa and Neymar knows he will never win against them. He never will. 

Phil has to go visit the kids at least three times a month for more then a day. You might see that's where everything kinda turned in their relationship. I guess that's when Neymar started to be willing to open his heart to someone else. 

So maybe it's not that far fetch to see Neymar lusting over someone who will fully love him. Maybe just maybe. But Neymar isn't Phil he wants everything to work out he really does. And yet he still feels awful about the whole fucking dream.

He feels awful and guilty about the dream even though Neymar feels like he can finally rest again. 

 

****************************

Its the second day of Phil being gone and Neymar has managed to entertain himself somewhat. He either got lost in thought about Oscar or he would slip on Phil's shirt and wonder around the house. He doesn't trust himself to dream again without having something that reminds him of Phil. 

Because without Phil nothing is holding him back from remembering Oscar. Well that was until Neymar was scrolling down his Instagram when he got a notification. His eyebrows got brought together as he clicked on it and was lead to a random number.

*******

273-299-3837: Neymar? 

Neymar: Yes? Who is this 

273-299-3837: Baby, its Oscar

***************

Suddenly the smell of Phil's shirt doesnt hold Neymar back from the happy tears that slid down his face.


	4. For now I'll be in love with you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phil has a secret and Oscar sorta shows up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is its about to get more angsty

Neymar's calm and sad posture then changed as he read that message. His eyes widened as he re-read the message over and over again. Some part of him was thinking its just a silly dream/joke he really can't get his hopes up about this. He felt himself shake a little at the thought of it being Oscar. 

Hell this person could, might as well not be Oscar. He wouldn't know as he had deleted Oscar's number a month after Oscar had left for China. Things were so painful between them once he had left the different time zones and the change of pace for both men had hit them hard. And worst of all Oscar changed once he left his face turned cold and his eyes dead. Neymar didn't know how he could possibly fix his boyfriend's feelings. After a month of it he had to delete it he didn't want to but he had too. They didn't even officially break up but it sure as hell felt like it. 

After the break up he felt numb for the longest time. He remembers his Barca teammates would always notice but never say push him too much about it. They had tried to comfort him at points but nothing could fill the hole in Neymar's heart. All he had told them is he's having relationship troubles. He had tried so hard to move on even trying to date Lionel at one time. It wasn't his proudest moment he can admit but Lionel was willing to give him love that Oscar couldn't do.

But whenever he looked at the smaller super star of a man he realized he didn't love him. Well Lionel did love him its just Neymar did not. He knew he would never love Lionel and yet he still tried so hard to love him. But it didnt work no matter what because at the end of the day even though Neymar was dating one of the best footballers in the world all he could think about was Oscar. He had everything he could have ever needed but the love of his life. 

The love he had for Lionel was all platonically. He says 'was' because Lionel and Neymar aren't on good terms at the moment. After he had left for France to finally make a career of his own Lionel refused to talk to him. Its been almost two years Neymar misses one of his dearest friends. He makes a mental note to attempt to talk to him later. 

When he finally throws himself back to the phone. He shakes his head and looks back at the phone he runs his tounge across his lips and he shakly types his response. Its too dry and tense in the room right now. He suddenly smells Phil and he hastily takes off the shirt so he's left practically naked. But he adding care he didn't want to be reminded of Phil when he has a chance at talking with Oscar right now.

*********************** 

Neymar: Prove to me you're Oscar tell me something only Oscar knows 

273-299-3837: When we first meet I tripped over myself and slipped in a puddle of mud to make me feel better you gave me a yellow Brazil themed bracelet. I still have it too. Its always with me. 

Neymar: Oscar oh my god I've missed you so much

Oscar: Neymar it's been too long fuck I've missed you

Neymar: How's life been treating you? You probably now about what's been going on with me. 

Oscar: terribly I've been in china and hulk is here too. He reminds me of home of Brazil but id rather be there. Things are tough sometimes and I regret a lot of thinks.

Neymar: Oh Oscar you deserve better you know? 

Oscar: Don't say that Neymar after all i did leave you. 

Neymar: you had too Oscar

Oscar: No I didn't i selfishly put my myself first and only left for the money 

Neymar: Oscar, you have to support your family first of course I understand 

Oscar: Neymar you idiot you are my family 

Neymar: You don't mean that 

Oscar: if I didn't mean that I wouldn't have said it. Why is it so hard for you to believe that someone loves you. 

Neymar: don't ask questions I don't know the answers too. 

Oscar: I'm sorry Ney-Ney, But I do wanna ask how are you doing? 

Neymar: its been rather quiet lately I had to leave barca that's a whole another story. Things got better but everytime I kicked a ball I was reminded of you. And sometimes I still remember you whenever I dribble my ball. You watched me at the world cup? I really thought of you then Oscar. But Phil basically pulled us through the whole time. You would like him he's nice 

Oscar: So things changed this world cup huh? 

Neymar: we woulda won if you were there Oscar 

Oscar: I wasn't called back Neymar if I was i would have ran to Brazil 

Neymar: I know it just wasn't the same this year the squad was practically gone expect for Marcelo and Thiago

Oscar: Was it that bad? 

Neymar: No but I wish it was you who was here instead 

Oscar: So Phil?

Neymar: You have to know Philippe he's finally getting the spotlight he deserves. He plays for barca hell we coulda played together if I hadn't left. He's nice and he cares a lot

Oscar: Oh yeah I saw him play he was rather good 

Neymar: Yeah I love him

Oscar: Tell me more about your personal life Ney. You have a new girlfriend? New kid? New team? 

Neymar: I only have 1/3 well technically 2/3 

Oscar: Oh who is she? 

Neymar: not exactly a she more of a he 

Oscar: I knew it, sooo who is he? 

Neymar: you can't tell anyone but it's Phil 

Oscar: kinda not surprising 

Neymar: we aren't that obvious are we? 

Oscar: you two practically hugged every minute of the game

Neymar: I can't help it :((( 

Oscar: Hey Neymar 

Neymar: Yeah? Whats up? 

Oscar: Send me a pic of your face its been too long 

Neymar: only if you send one back 

Oscar: Fine fine but you first please

Neymar: * image of Neymar * 

Oscar: Oh god you look prettier then ever 

Neymar: watch it Oscar I have a boyfriend

Oscar: that doesn't mean you aren't still as gorgeous as before 

Neymar: Shut up Oscar 

Oscar: I bet you're blushing and rubbing your fingers together right now 

Neymar: You know me too well, now send me a pic its been a while since ive seen your chubby cheeks

Oscar: Oh boy you are in for a surprise them 

Neymar: I swear to god show me right now

Oscar: * pic of Oscar* 

Neymar: WHAT HAPPENED TO MY LITTLE BOY????? WHERE IS YOUR CHUBBY CHEEKS???? IS THAT A STUBLE???? YOUR HAIR ISNT CURLY??? 

Oscar: My baby fat went away after a month in China. Yup I got a stuble I didn't shave today and the curls went away after I kept trying to keep its straight. 

Neymar: Oh Oscar you still look as adorable as ever 

Oscar: is that flirting i see? 

Neymar: I'm complimenting you :) 

Oscar: I've missed this Neymar 

Neymar: Tell me about all of your days from the time you arrived at China. I wanna know all of it 

**************************

Neymar knew this was sorta wrong but what's so bad about talking to an old friend??? That's all it is after all I mean Neymar is just blushing while Oscar talks about his days at China. He doesn't even feel horrible when Oscar sends him pictures of his training. This isn't wrong he's just talk to and old friend That's it.

He giggles, smiles and blushes harder then he has ever had this month. It feels great to finally have someome comfort him and truly love him. They've spent years apart yet Oscar still manages to make him blush the same way. He still has the same effect on Neymar since the day they meant. He places a hand over his mouth as he lets a childish giggle out as Oscar sent him a rather affectionate picture. Neymar didn't have much time to respond as he heard footsteps. 

He placed his phone done and walked off to the front door. There was no reason for anyone to be here and yet Neymar couldn't help but think maybe Oscar decided to pay him a visit. And just the thought made him melt he kicked the thought out of his head as he made his way to where the noise was located at.

" Phil?"   
Neymar asked quietly as he saw the younger man leaning against the kitchen table. Phil's eyes flashed up from where he had been starring at the wall and smiles at Neymar. And once again he melts under the man's glaze he could never stay too upset with Phil after all. Even if he had left before Neymar woke up to see his kids, even if he doesn't consider Neymar his family even if he's not Phil's number one. But for some reason the gesture made him feel just as uneasy. 

" Phil?"

" Neymar baby I wanted to surpise you " 

" What? Why?" 

" Because I missed you and no reason other then I love you" 

" You are so sappy" 

" Its because I love you so much, Ney" 

" I love you too, Phil" 

" I brought you roses, chocolates and a movie we can watch together." 

" What did I do to possibly deserve you?" 

" By being your beautiful self" 

" I love you so so so so much" 

And with that the events were sealed with a passionate kiss and suddenly Neymar didn't care so much about his lone phone. Because his knight in shining armor had finally returned and he couldn't be happier. Once again he was reminded that Phil did truly love him even if he didn't exactly show it sometimes. 

" Watch in the living room?" 

" Yeah I'll grab some blankets and you put the movie on" 

Neymar couldn't be happier at the moment. 

**********************

Neymar found himself snuggled up against Phil during the movie. It was quiet enough that Neymar leaned in a little more to hear Phil's heart beat. He started to feel rather drowsy as he heard the light heart beat and with the rather quiet movie he had almost fallen asleep. But his phone binging reminded him he was still talking to Oscar. 

He yawned and moved himself off of Phil's lap instead leaning his back against the couch end. He propped his legs up on Phil's lap and he could see the man cock his head to the side seeing the man move. But nonetheless he didn't say anything as he gave Neymar a small smile. Neymar smiled back at him before turning on his phone to see a new message. 

*************** 

Oscar: Forgot about me already?

Neymar: Pff you thought but sorry my boyfriend surprised me with shit 

Oscar: You actually have a boyfriend? I thought we were just joking around 

Neymar: I'm sorry Oscar I was being 100% serious when I said I was dating Phil 

Oscar: Hey its okay now where was I?

Neymar: talking about how you got a puppy for under five dollars

Oscar: Thanks babe, His name is yellow and he's a Labrador.

Neymar: those are my favorite you bitch you need to send me pics

Oscar: I know he reminds me of you

Neymar: Why are you so sappy

Oscar: What can i say? You rubbed off on me 

Neymar: Honestly you rubbed off on me too to this day I still kiss my shoes before a game 

Oscar: you never stopped doing that? Even without me around 

Neymar: never it felt like a good like charm even though you weren't there 

Oscar: You're precious Neymar never change 

 

****************************

Neymar couldn't stop smiling at the messages Oscar kept sending him. Receiving love is always something that Neymar can't deny. Neymar couldn't help the gooey feeling in his heart when Oscar called him little pet names. He would sometimes even go as far as screenshotting them but Neymar would never admit that. 

" What are you so smiley about?" 

" An old friend just messaged me and I'm in a happy mood get used to it" 

" Ouch love you too" 

" You know what I mean, love" 

" I know But I don't like the way you're smiling like that" 

" Oh baby you know only you get me at the end of the day" 

" That's why I love you" 

" So how were the kids?" 

" They were great honey just a bit more excited this time" 

" Mhm that's how all kids are after all" 

" They were adorable, Neymar and there's something else" 

" What is it?" 

" N-no nothing, Hey did Thiago tell you he's throwing a party for the whole national team" 

" Damn who knew that Thiago could be such a party animal. Of course were gonna go though" 

" Great baby" 

" Hey Davi is gonna be over in a week it'll be about time you guys bond" 

" Oh," 

" What's wrong?" 

" Nothing, nothing" 

" Phil?" 

" Its just were moving a little too fast don't you think?" 

" we've been dating for a year" 

" I know I know its just-" 

" Its fine I underatand Phil " 

Neymar didn't like how nervous Phil looked when he was about to tell him something. And something in the back of his head told him that Phil wanted to say something else. But he's with Phil right now so he can't bring himself to care as he kisses the man. He can't bring himself to care.he knew the man was hiding something he saw it in Phil's eyes. But for right now he'll love Phil. 

************************

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh i hate what I'm doing cause phil is gonna look like an asshole in a few chapters


	5. A small part of me loves you

And soon enough Neymar found his days filled with talking with Oscar the hours turned to days and the days turned into weeks. He noticed Oscar would leave him lingering messages and it started out adorable but it was getting more on the risky side. More on the sexual side of things but nothing crossing the boundary. Neymar didn't mind after all Phil was spending more and more of his time apart. Neymar knew that what he was doing is kinda wrong but he just wanted more attention, attention that Phil couldn't provide. Because the man spent most of his time with his kids more and more and less attention to Neymar. 

Hell after Phil had been weirdly nervous when Neymar had brought up the idea of getting close to Davi. Its as if the man had scared Phil away from him. Which he hoped wasn't thr case after all they had been dating for too long. And yet it seemed on some days that Phil wasn't even his friend nonetheless a boyfriend. He didn't bother to ask Phil about it starting a fight was the last thing he wanted.

Neymar really didn't know why Phil was just leaving him all alone. Hell he needed Phil now more then ever he needed Phil to love him. And yet it seemed like only Oscar was providing that at this point. Phil had went out for long walks, visited his kids more often and looked quite pained half the time. But at least Neymar knew Phil wasn't lying about where he was going. He always noticed the man coming home content and all sweaty and gross whenever he came back from a walk. And when he went to go to see his kids he came back with pictures of their time spent together. But that didn't stop Neymar from being lonely. He didn't know who else to tell? 

Thiago? No he'll freak out. 

Dani? No he can't keep his mouth shut. 

Marcelo? He'll probably joke about the matter 

Oscar? Should he let his ex boyfriend know about his stupid problems? No its fine after all Oscar is a friend. After all Oscar is always there for him always giving him love. Always caring for him so why not? 

*******************************

Neymar: Oscar? 

Oscar: Hey what's up sweetie? 

Neymar: is it okay if I can vent to you? If not its okay I understand and all

Oscar: Whoa calm down buddy its okay you can go ahead tell me what's wrong.

Neymar: Remember Davi?

Oscar: How could I forget the lil blonde monster? When i last saw him he was just a baby that could fit in my arms. I remember his little curls he looked nothing like you but for some reason just looking at his smile i knew he was yours. He's something special truly.

Neymar: Oscar, you're too sweet really. That what makes me love you

Oscar: you love me? 

Neymar: friend wise, Oscar

Oscar: I know, I love you too, buddy actually I never stopped loving you, dude

Neymar: Oh God you're so sappy i love you, you know? 

Oscar: I know :), So what's up? 

Neymar: Okay so you know Phil right? Well he's a family man he's got two kids and a wife he hasn't left yet. And he puts his kids first which is understandable but he puts his wife before me???? We've been dating for a year and he refuses to meet Davi????? 

Oscar: Aw Ney, baby its okay I know its hard when you're dating someone in a relationship. I can understand you're anger and that's ok to be angry. In fact just let it out do it. 

Neymar: I know its just ugh, Phil drives me insane sometimes. Like he doesn't want to share his feelings or thoughts and im scared he's hiding something from me. 

Oscar: What do you mean? Like cheating wise because if you even think he's cheating on you I will fly down to Brazil and beat his ass. 

Neymar: No no Oscar its okay i just

Oscar: Call me, I'm alone right now so we can talk. 

Neymar: Really? 

Oscar: Yes, really Ney you know i would do anything for you. Don't let anyone make you think otherwise. 

************************** 

" I just don't know what to do, like he doesn't wanna talk to me. Oscar, is there something wrong with me?"   
Neymar asked quietly once the two had managed to contact each other. Neymar at the moment was laying in the guest bedroom because sleeping in his own caused him way too much pain to even somewhat come close to their bedroom. 

More like his bedroom at this point, Phil is spending more and more time away from him. To the point where he'll come home and lay on the sofa instead of walking a few steps to their room. It hurt Neymar so much so fucking much. He had gotten to the point where he refused to walk in his bedroom even going as far as buying new clothes to avoid it. Some could say hes ignoring his problems by not confronting Phil. But he knows everything will far apart if he does. 

" Nothing's wrong with you, Ney not one thing. Why would you think that?"   
Oscar asked him his voice loaded with concern. Neymar bit at his bottom lip and finalky decided to just vent to Oscar after all he had nothing to lose. He had been holding in the emotions for way too long anyway. Plus Oscar would be the last person that would judge Neymar after all.

" Because Phil hates me it's obvious he hates me. Oscar he hates me so much"   
Neymar cried out as he brought the cool blanket over his body and face. He didn't want to see the bright sun right now, not when he's so sad. Rain would be a much better option at this point maybe even a thunderstorm. He hiccuped softly ss the tears dripped sown his eyes. He truly didn't know how much he was holding back till he had said the words to Oscar. 

" Shhh oh God baby are you crying? No dont cry, don't cry, it's okay baby. I love you Okay? Its okay."   
Oscar cooned through the phone trying so hard to comfort the man. Neymar sucked in a harsh breath before getting angry at himself. God he heard the concern in Oscar's voice and it upset him so much that he made Oscar worried. But nonetheless listened to Oscar repeating the words and felt more at comfort. 

" No, it's not I'm horrible and no one will ever love me. And this proves that no one will ever love me"   
Neymar cried out as he didn't even bother to stop crying he just couldn't. At that very moment everything that had been building up in the last month exploded. His heart, stomach and mind hurt way too much to be real. It felt almost too much like a feveer dream but once he heard Oscar's breath hitch at his crying he knew it was all too real.

" Neymar I love you just don't cry for me baby smile for me please" 

" Okay okay I'm not, I just I don't know anymore I thought I did, but Phil doesn't want me" 

" Yes, he does want you silly. Why would he not want you? You're wonderful and pretty. " 

" I just wish I didn't feel so alone, you know?"

That was kinda a lie he did feels somewhat alone but his heart fluttered when Oscar spoke. It made him feel just a little less alone.

" I know, Ney I know" 

" Thank you Oscar. For listening to me cry for way longer then you probably wanted to"

Oscar is listening to him??? Someone actually listening to him? Yes, other people do listen to Neymar but lately not when he's sad or upset. And yet Oscar still wanted to be there for him even if he's upset. He still cared.

" You okay now?" 

" Not exactly but you make me feel a little better" 

A lot better. His head was screaming him to tell Oscar that he felt so much better talking to him. But the conscious side of him told him to not say it.

" that's all I could ever want, Neymar" 

Yeah Phil any Neymar weren't exactly on a good note at the moment but Neymar couldn't lie when he knew that a small part of him is in love with Oscar a small valid part.

He couldn't keep the large grin as he heard Oscar start to talk about random things that has happened today. Because all he needed to hear was Oscar voice and he'll melt. 

************************

After the whole venting with Oscar thing, Neymar didn't know how things could get any worse with Phil. But it so happened it did, Phil had came home early surpsingly with candy bar and a pink flower. Neymar was only angered more by it because Phil had left for a whole week a whole week without even saying a word. So excuse him if he sounds upset right now. 

It got even worse when Phil came for a kiss as Neymar had harshy shoved him away. As his hands ghosted on his lips he didn't want to taste the man's lips on his. Not when he had hurt him so badly. 

"Phil no"

" Are you okay?" 

" I'm fine" 

" You don't look okay"

" Phil? Stop okay, I'm fine"

"Well you're obviously not okay you didn't even kiss me back. What's going on Neymar? I know you all too well" 

" Well you haven't exactly been here either" 

" You know im with my kids Neymar I have to be with them. Im sorry you can't see Davi if that's why you're snapping at me for." 

" I'm gonna ignore the fact you just said that to me and im gonna sleep in the guest room" 

" Neymar don't be like that you know what I meant. I'm sorry I get to see my kids more often wait that doesn't sound good"

" Fuck you Philippe Coutinho I hope your wife finds out her perfect husband is fucking his teammates" 

" Wait Neymar don't leave and don' say that you know how messy our relationship is. " 

" Messy? Phil we've been dating for a fucking year. I need some time alone"

" But I love you" 

" Okay" 

Neymar had never not said 'i love you' to Phil even when they were fighting never had they left without saying that. But like its said there's always a time and a place for a first. 

************************

Okay Neymar truly didn't know what he was doing all he knew is that he shouldn't feel bad for Phil. Not after what he had just said he didn't even know if he would be able to forgive him. His fits went white as he clenched the steering wheel, still riding around trying to keep his mind on the road but failing. 

How could he say such an awful thing? 

Where had they're love for each other gone? 

When did Phil fall out of love with Neymar? 

When did Phil stop running after Neymar?

When did Neymar start to ignore the signs? 

When did they stop loving each other? 

And those are simple questions Neymar couldn't answer anymore. Being so deep in thought can distract you a lot, so the next thing he knew it was 9pm and he would have to make a decision. 

He could either go back home and make peace with Phil and have to go through the same thing again. And then there's the second option, stay in a hotel for a while, maybe buy a house? Okay its just a small fight he's probably just thinking too far. Besides he doesn't think he can see Phil's teary eyed face if he finds out Neymar bought a house without him. Because Phil cried sometimes but it always left Neymar a mess for him. 

He couldn't think much of it as he slipped on a cap and sun glasses and made his way to the nearest hotel. He just wants to sleep and forget the whole day just for right now. He probably should have dropped by to grab some type of alcohol but if he had Tuchel would have killed him. The coach had already gotten on to him for drinking. He didn't need the lanky man to scream at him even more.

He paid for the most expansive room and was off just like that. His room was nothing special not when he couldn't see nor feel Phil. Not when the room holds no love it only holds some peace for him. Peace that at the moment he hates but nonetheless he appreciates. 

The silence is so unnerving he wishes someone was here to at least whisper comfort words into his ear. His thoughts quickly roam to one sunny man and his lips twitch up at the thought of him. He considers calling the man but argues with himself for a few minutes on if he should call him. 

But in the ends decides he really has nothing else to lose. He throws himself in bed and grabs his phone. 

*****************************

" Neymar?" 

" Yeah, its uh me Oscar, is, is it a bad time? I can always call back you know.

" Neymar, I'm always here for you. What happened honey?" 

" He said i, uh I was just mad at him because I can't see Davi" 

" What a fucking prick, Hold on Neymar where are you?" 

" In a hotel room crying my eyes out and having my own pity party " 

" Stay there till tomorrow I'm gonna send you something" 

" Okay okay Oscar, do you mind staying on the phone with me?" 

" I would never mind baby lay down and try to sleep I'll talk to you, you don't have to answer me just listen. Or you could talk and I can listen" 

" Talk to me Oscar it's been too long I just want to hear your voice" 

" Okay baby I will" 

" One more question, Oscar" 

" Ask away hun" 

" Thank you loving me" 

" Oh baby you never have to thank anyone for that" 

And somehow the nickname makes Neymar's heart heart bubble way more then it should. His stomach does backflips whenever he heaes Oscar chuckle and then he would start laughing he would laugh so hard his eyes crinkled and that's when he knew. He knew all too well. 

Yeah a small part of him loves Oscar and oh boy does he love that part of himself.

************************


	6. A/N

Yall ever wanna kill ur friend aka Yvonne bc she keeps being a lil bitch and telling everyone my ao3 anyway not a update I'm just spiteful her ao3 is https://archiveofourown.org/users/mariena_sauce/pseuds/mariena_sauce pls bug her for me and read her luka story


	7. Friends love

Neymar ignored the calls and texts from the younger man. Mostly due to the fact he wasnt sure if he would be able to handle looking at Phil's desperate messages and voicemails. But Neymar knew he needed a break from him maybe for a week maybe for a month but he just needed to get away. Oscar had kept him company for the last two days expect today it seemed like Oscar was busy. 

It didn't seem all that odd at first till hours went by and no text or call from Oscar. He did have time to waste after all and he never got alone time for the most part. He spent the day flopped on the bed and playing random games on his phone even at times texting other teammates.

First he had bothered Thiago for a good hour before the man blocked him but making sure to give Neymar a lecture that went along the lines of.  
" Neymar I have TWO kids and yet you make me feel like I have three"  
Neymar could only giggle at that, Thiago was always an interesting person to bother. 

Next up was Marcelo who seemed just as bored as Neymar they both managed to keep the convo up for a good three hours. Marcelo complaining about Real Madrid and Neymar complaining about Phil but making sure to avoid the new problem between them.Neymar thinks thats a victory all on its own. 

He gave Bobby a call and of course the man answered he could hear the yell and calls in the background obviously from Bobby's kids. He had just managed to get back to Liverpool but whenever he mentioned he couldn't help but remember Phil. That went on for a while before a loud crash happened and Bobby had to leave. 

And soon he found himself alone once again he had nothing to do. Oscar still had yet to say anything to him. 

Now Neymar is a bit worried, maybe he scared off Oscar or he's just doing something or maybe he's just ignoring him. Neymar ignored the thoughts or at least tried to for the rest of the day. It was quite challenging to say the least sonetimes the most randomest things reminded Neymar of Oscar. It made his stomach bubble with butterflies it was a weird feeling he hadn't felt since he had first fallen in love with Phil. 

And then there's Phil he has to worry about, they had nevee really been apart since club seasons. But they would always be in good will with each other when they left for their clubs. And yet here he was ignoring and feeling rather annoyed with Phil at the moment. Why did he have to feel bad about the whole thing? And yet he still hoped the younger man wasn't crying or feeling too upset. He hoped he didn't matter all that much to Phil. 

He spent the rest of his day eating dinner and showering. Because of the recent events he hadn't really had the time to shower in the last few days. His hair is rather unrealistically messy and he really should never not shower for more then a day. He wrapped a silk towel around his waist and grabbed another to dry his still wet hair. He was hoping for maybe a missed call or a text from Oscar but what he saw was so much more.

He opened the bathroom door to be faced with a brown haired man laying on his bed. Neymar didn't move for a minute everything going slowly and yet he didn't freak out. The man was laying down face down on his bed apparently sleeping as he didn't react when Neymar opened the door. Neymar walked closer, close  enough to see the man's wrist and once he saw yellow banded Brazil bracelet he know it was okay. 

Neymar stupidly enough didn't even freak out not even when he finished drying his hair. He didn't even freak out when he started humming softly to himself as light Portuguese music played off his phone. He didn't even freak out when the ' stranger' started to stir awake. Neymar just calmly slipped on a shirt and flopped down next to him in a rather affectionate way. His hands wrapping around the others back so close that they were basically on each other. 

" Neymar?" 

" Yeah?" 

" Why didn't you wake me up sooner" 

" Because you looked tired" 

" But, but I wanted to talk to you" 

" We have plenty of time to talk later, lets just sleep for right now." 

" Thanks, Neymar" 

" Anytime, Oscar" 

***********************

Neymar really did underestimate how sleepy he truly was. When he woke up all he saw was the sun and its way too bright brightness. He kept desperately rubbing at his eyes hoping he could get the brightness away from him. He could hear a chuckle as he whined, flipped over and pulled the blanket over his eyes.

He apparently also didn't register the night before. Cause when he once again flipped over and saw Oscar's grinning face he almost fell on the floor startled dragging the blankets with him. Luckily for him Oscar was close enough to grab his skinny wrist. He pulled him up care not to let the man fall but all Neymar could possibly focus on is that Oscar looked way too adorable helping him up. His eyes narrowed, his teeths biting on his lower lip while his hair was still a ruffled and cute mess. What a nice site to wake up to, Neymar can get used to this.

Expect he can never let himself get used to this, cause back home he's suppose to wake up to puppy dog eyes and a way too innocent looking Phil. He's suppose to wake up looking at his shirt being on his boyfriend and his arms wrapped around his waist. But is that really what he wants? Of course it is and no amount of smiles from Oscar can change that. 

Once he had finally gotten back on the bed he moved closer to Oscar and smiled at him. And suddenly it felt like old times again it felt almost too nostalgic for a moment. His chest longed for this moment for so long and he never knew how much he missed this. And to think a few years ago this was normal, this was home for Neymar. 

" Good morning"  
Oscar greeted happily as he carefully grazed his hand on top of Neymar's. Neymsr didn't move his hand away much too astonished to say anything. Is he really sure this is real life? Maybe it's another one of his horrible dreams he sometimes manages to have. He pinches his palms once, twice and three times and yet nothing happened. It was all too real.

" How?" 

" How what?" 

" How'd you get here? Wait why'd you come here? And more importantly-" 

" Ney, Neymar calm down, wanna eat breakfast before I explain?" 

" I- Sure I'm starving" 

" Aren't you always though?" 

" Shut up Oscar you look so skinny, do they feed you over there in China?" 

" Only on Saturdays" 

They both laughed, they couldn't stop giggling and snorting not even when they stepped out of the tiny hotel. The joke wasn't even funny there wasn't even context to the joke. Yet it was the funniest thing to both of them as if they hadn't heard a joke in years. None of them even questioned it. 

They didn't stop with the small giggling and way too homely jokes. Not even when they both shuffled into Neymar's car. Not even when Oscar's hand moved to Neymar's once again. Not even when Oscar's mouth grazed Neymar's cheek not even then. They laughed for all the time they had missed laughing with each other. More importantly Neymar missed Oscar's brightness, suddenly the sun didn't seem all that bad. 

So much time to make up and yet all it took was a simple look between them to bring everything back. Because that's how Oscar worked, he was always so simple to Neymar it didn't matter what anyone else said. Because Oscar is home and home isn't complicated. Oscar is so many things in such a small body that it often times leave Neymar just starring at him so surprised.

Neymar hopes Oscar feels like he's at home too. 

 

************************* 

Oscar buys a bagel and an orange juice, simple but classic Neymar thinks to himself quietly as he watches the man order his breakfast. Even when doing something as simple as getting breakfast he still managed to look like so much more. 

So much more then an ex famous Brazilian star who had hus chances cut short because of his move to China. So much more then an Ex-Chelsea superstar gone down hill. So much more then an ex boyfriend to Neymar. 

He looks like a friend, a brother, a father and he looks like Neymar's. Neymar doesn't quite know what he means but when Oscar orders for him and gets his usual breakfast he doesn't count his thoughts. Oscar turns around to look at Neymar as he finishes up and pays and Neymar can only wonder how this man loved him at one point. He's way too good for him. 

They exit the nice cafe and head for Neymar's car and Oscar can't help but babble about watching Neymar play. He looks so happy and Neymar wants to just freeze anything so he can just look at Oscar and look at his so happy face. He deserves to be happy after everything that has happened to him he deserves it. He hopes to never see the dull coldness in his eyes he saw after the world cup. 

" Your eyes Oscar"  
Neymar suddnely says and he doesnt realize it till he sees Oscar look at him puzzled. Neymar has to hold himself back from hugging the stupid idiot. Cause His eyes are such amazing orbs, he misses the days when he could stare at them all day long.

 

" What about them?" 

" Theyre beautiful" 

" Not as beautiful as you" 

" Just for that I'm gonna take a bite out of your bagel" 

" I would still call you beautiful even if you would take a million bites out of my bagel" 

And somehow those words didn't feel so bad. Cheesy but not so bad, Neymar could get used to that. 

 

************************** 

" How's everyone been? Its been a while since ive talked to the team" 

" Everyone's for the most part great expect for when Marcelo wants to be annoying. Hey, you want to see them? Thiago invited me to a lame party for the team" 

Neymar doesn't even know what he's saying because he didn't even want to to to the party. But Oscar seems so sad and gloomy and Neymar would do just about anything to see him smile again. Even if it means he has to go to some party and get drunk off his balls. 

" Wait really?" 

Oscar seems so happy and excited but with a hint of hesitation towards Neymar. But he just gave him a small smile and nodded comforting the other man. 

" Hey, you did score a goal for us after the whole uh seven one thing. And if I could I would have made coach make you come over here for this world cup. " 

Neymar really didn't want to bring up the sensitive topic of that 2014 game. Hell he even finds himself close to tears some nights because of the game. Its still a topic that no one likes to talk about especially Oscar but the man doesn't react badly. Instead he nodds along and rubs at Neymar's arm. 

" Thanks Neymar, I always know I can count on you."

He gives Neymar a kiss on his cheek. And Neymar is pretty satisfied with his life at that very moment. 

Neymar knew the topic of conversation would come to that he knew it but he didn't expect Oscar to be so blunt about it. Nor did he expect it when he was taking a sip of his milk in the car. 

" So Phil?"  
Neymar feels himself tense up and his heart hurts again. He misses him so much he wishes he could just run out and go back home. But he knew all too well he couldn't just do that maybe later but today simply wasn't the day. So he would tell Oscar all the positives about Phil, to see just how amazing the other man is. 

" He's something, something I thought i wouldn't find again, you know? He's precious and yet so serious sometimes. He can jump from his serious pouty face to his cute little smile that makes my world. Oh I'm going on aren't I?"  
Neymar asked as he saw Oscar's bewildered look on his face. He felt his face fluster pink but he couldn't help it, that's how Phil made him feel like. Oscar just forced a smile and nodded along looking somewhat pained almost? 

" You really love him?"  
Oscar asks as avoids looking at Neymar instead eating and letting his eyes wander away. Neymar doesn't say anything but nods knowing that right now it probably wasn't the time to go on full on detail about how much he loves Phil. 

" So what's going on with you and him?" 

" Complicated stuff its a long story" 

" I've got time" 

" How much?" 

" Three weeks" 

" Then plenty of time after all" 

After all basically nothing had changed between the two. They were still the same men from years ago expect now they're both older and carry so much weight on their shoulders. And yet the other reminded Neymar he was still so young. If this is what it would feel being with Oscar everyday then he wants to be with Oscar forever. 

 

He hopes Phil doesn't mind having Oscar around.

 

********************************


	8. I just keep on wishing the love made you stay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so this is like a prequel to the fic itself so like,,, this happened a few months before oscar officially transferred. Sorry for being gone for so long i lost motivation and I got pretty depressed. So keep in mind this is more of a vent chapter then anything. I can't seem to find the words to say it irl so I just put it into this chapter. I can't really talk about this stuff with anyone So yeah vent

"You cannot save people. You can only love them."

 

If asked Neymar doesn't know or doesn't care about the day it happened. Why would some superstar care about some failure player? He doesn't know nor does he care about the man either if asked. In fact he'll even place a blank look on his face. He'll even ask for the last name just to add to it. It stings it stings bad for anyone who's watching espically him. He managed to convince everyone else he didn't care. Somehow the lies even managed to convince himself. 

He didn't like to even think of the lies, they rotted his mind. It wasn't his fault well in the start it wasn't his fault. He just wanted to forget that's all he wanted and yet it seemed to worsen. Past love stings it leaves a hole that nothing else can replace. That doesn't mean you don't recover oh how Neymar has recovered. But its a special spot for a special love you had. Neymar has moved on from love to love and heart to heart. It doesn't change the fact his heart still aches after every afternoon. 

If Neymar is alone one day which is rare as it is as Neymar is as social as can be. Either it be Bruna or Philippe or even some of his teammates. He's almost never alone but if he does find himself alone. If he's leaning against his pillows and he's just barley awake. Just awake enough to forget his playful and tough demetar. After all you have to be the funny one because no one will want you other wise. He remembers and he remembers every detail. And only then does he crumble only then does he remember. Only then does he let himself remember. 

*******************

" Neymar?" 

Oscar said quietly against his ear as he held the man closer to him. The two were seated on the sofa, Neymar of course in the other man's lap. The tv was on and Neymar didn't care about the show. He just thought being around Oscar was enough entertainment. 

He could just sit silently and could just memorize Oscar's breathing. It's light and carefree and it describes Oscar perfectly. 

Neymar could spent the whole day just starring at Oscar. Tugging and pulling at his hands and face. Always creating Oscar's pouty face, Neymar has it memorized by now. He'd lean forward and stick his lip out while his eyes scrunched up. He looked almost too cute like a kitten. Neymar always found it too adorable. 

With Oscar by his side it was never a boring moment. Even in the quietest of places even if they aren't even talking. Neymar wouldn't trade this feeling for any award, world cup or prize. Oscar manages to easily pass all those things in Neymar's heart. All Neymar needed was Oscar in his life after all. 

" Oscar?" 

Neymar replied more in question form then anything else. He lifted his face from Oscar's chest and turned to him. And somehow looking at Oscar's face provided him no comfort. Something in his face had changed. And Neymar suddenly felt as if something would change. His gut twisted and turned as he saw Oscar avoid eye contact. 

Suddenly sitting in Oscar's lap alone didn't feel so entertaining anymore. He didn't know if he wanted to know what Oscar was thinking about. 

 

" I have to tell you something" 

Oscar finally said after a wordless minute. And just those words made Neymar's heart crash. Because oh god it's happening again and it can't be good at all. Oscar is going to leave him and he won't care about him anymore. He stiffen almost intently after Oscar had said that. Instead his face crumbling as he too avoided Oscar's eyes. It was only by nature for Neymar to assume the worst

His body posture crumbled as well as he rubbed hus face against Oscar. Just for any sort of affectionate for the man. Anything that could possibly deny his fears. But Oscar just looked down at him and rubbed his cheek. An all too known gesture between the two men. And Neymar sighed before leaning into Oscar's touch.  

" You look even more nervous then when you told me we lost the world cup." 

Neymar joked as he tried to squirm around in Oscar's lap. Instead the man's face turning serious again and holding him still. Neymar got that it was time to be serious and stopped his moving finally looking up to meet Oscar's eyes. 

His eyes held both sorrow and something else that Neymar didn't yet now. When he thinks back to this memory he knows exactly what Oscar's eyes are showing. But past Neymar really had no cule, he really was just another broken child. A broken child that would soon turn into a broken adult. Not helped soon enough and couldn't help it. Truly a problem in the making. 

" I- I'm transferring, Neymar" 

Oscar finally seemed to get out and he carefully wrapped his arms around Neymar's waist. The time flicked by and Neymar said nothing. Not because he was disappointed or upset he just couldn't seem to get the words out. His mouth weirdly opened and then closed as he tried to come up with words. Thinking before speaking wasn't his strongest suit and this just proved it. 

But in reality, words just wasn't enough to describe what he was feeling. He was way too young to know this quite yet. Sometimes actions speak louder then any word ever could. The usually spontaneous and talkative man was left wordless. Because everything Oscar seemed to do left him wordless. There was never enough words to describe Oscar. 

" That's great baby, where are you going? Hopefully closer to me no?" 

Neymar joked out of nervousness as he dragged his hands through Oscar's hair. It was soft and has grown to reach his ears. Its fluffy enough for Neymar to run his hand to the right and for the hair to stay that way. Neymar had always loved how he could leave a small but lasting action on Oscar. Even if it meant running his hand through his lover's hair. But it seemed like now was not the time. 

As Oscar just frowned even deeper and shook his head no repeatedly. He closed his eyes and for a minute Neymar feared something he didn't want to know. He didn't want to know what Oscar was going to share. Couldn't they just sit here and let the time slowly pass by. He Just wanted to waste his life with Oscar doing nothing. And yet everytime they got even slightly closer to that it was harshly ruined. 

He wanted to waste his life with Oscar. 

" No, Ney I'm transferring to China" 

Oscar blurted out and finally it all clicked. Neymar was pretty sure Oscar was babblering on with more words. Neymar didn't even notice his mind went blank and he didn't feel anything. For a spilt minute he didn't feel heart break nor love. He didn't feel anything, his body slipped down and he felt himself scater off Oscar's lap. He scotted hismelf to the far end of the sofa away from Oscar. He couldn't feel anything but he knew he should get away. 

Run away that's always been the Neymar way and its such a shame Oscar inherited that too. It still hasn't hit him what Oscar had said it just hadn't. Maybe he had mixed the words up in his head, Neymar had that habit. But the more he looked at Oscar's pleading face the more he realized this was real. He caught the hurt look in Oscar's eyes as he finally stopped talking. The world was crumbling around Neymar and he couldn't do anything to stop it. 

 

" ..  " 

" ..." 

" Ney-" 

Oscar began but was quickly stopped when Neymar started wildly giggling. His face bright pink as he moved himself closer to Oscar. Now sitting down next to him while he hides his face in Oscar's side. Laughing his head off as if the love of his life hadn't just told him he's leaving. Its always Neymar's go to habit whenver anything goes wrong. 

Make it funny, if it's funny its not so bad. He would always tell himself he's always had this habit and he's had it since he was a child. He laughs and laughs hoping that it'll go away if he makes it happy. He hopes people only see the laughing Neymar and the not the child that died in brazil long ago. He hopes its not too bad. 

" Very funny Oscar but I'm not falling for that. You almost had me there." 

He says inbetween giggles because he can't help to not laugh. Oscar was after all known for his terrible pranks and this is just a terrible one. He whipes a tear from his eye as he looks up at Oscar. Oscar's face is stone cold and once again has an emotion he still can't read. He wouldn't even come close to learning it till a year or two later. He doesn't yet understand Oscar. 

Correction he doesn't understand Oscar as he should just yet. Oscar grew up way too fast. 

" Neymar I'm being serious" 

Oscar finally says as he brings Neymar close to him. And then Neymar knows all too well what's going to happen next. Neymae shakes his head violently and pulls away from Oscar's grasp. This isn't true Oscar wouldn't do that. He wouldn't do this to him hell he wouldn't do this to them. China? Is so far how could anything possibly work in China. What is even so great about China? 

And more importantly why did China win over him? Why wasn't Neymar's love enough for Oscar? 

" No you're not" 

Neymar shouted he didn't mean for it to come out as violently as it did. But he saw Oscar grimace and knew there was no going back from there. Everything was shattered every moment they had together Neymar started to re-think. How did Oscar so easily pick China over him? Where did it all go wrong for the two? Every memory runs through his head and all the small signals leave him with regret. How had he never seen the signs before? 

His face flaten out and tears dripped down his cheeks hastily. There was no stopping the mess now and he couldn't seem to think. His hands pushed Oscar away and he lifted his knees to bury his face in. Oscar might as well told him they were through. But this hurt so much more then he could have ever imagined.

He could feel Oscar move to comfort him. For the first time ever Neymar shoved Oscar away. Not in a harsh way but just enough for Oscar to get the hint.

" I'm sorry" 

Oscar whispers as he lets Neymar the love of his life cry right beside him. How did he manage to bring things this far just for everything to fall at his feet. He couldn't even touch Neymar now. 

It only took a few minutes but he had managed to lose it all.

" No, you're not leaving, you wouldn't do that to me. You're not leaving you wouldn't do that to us" 

Neymar barley managed to say as he lifted his head up and angrily cleaned the cheeks of his face. Anger is a reaction that wouldn't become a common emotion for Neymar till later on in his life. Often he'll find himself unable to control his anger. He let's himself suffer alone while he diggers his blunt nails into his palms. He'll be alone with this for way too long. He had yet to know how much worse it'll get. 

When he's angry he knows it but he also knows that doesn't excuse anything he does. He watches his words and his actions because hes been a victim of anger. He knows all too well what it feels like to be curled up into a ball wondering if the words will ever stop. He knows All too well. He's frustrated and he knows better then to look at Oscar. He doesn't want to see Oscar's disappointed face.

Neymar just couldnt wrap his head around the fact Oscar was leaving. Leaving everything they had ever stood for. All the love he could have and yet Oscar is leaving him. Once again Neymar doesn't take the whole picture in but he's upset it doesn't matter at the moment. He doesn't care. 

" Neymar, things have been different after the world cup. I know you know that the most. This isn't home anymore. Maybe it was never home to begin with."

And thats When Neymar finally stopped his angry rambling to look at Oscar. His eyes was downcast and Oscar himself looked scared almost. Neymar bit at his lip as he realized just how hurt Oscar was too. Neymar didn't quite know how or why he felt this way. He wouldn't know know for another year or two. He wouldn't know till he finally realizes barca isn't home. But its not the future Neymar and at the moment Neymar is just heart broken.

Heart broken Oscar would just leave anything and everything he's ever known. He knows the world cup hurt him and it hurt Neymar too. It took Oscar the hardest even throughout the years it seemed to get worse. Even though Oscar didn't get racial slurs thrown at him he had the world cup in the back of his head everday. Just like how no one will ever relate to how Neymar felt when he almost lost the ability to play. No one will ever understand how this feels to Oscar. And in some odd way Neymar accepts that. 

He pulls hismelf together and finally moves towards Oscar once again. He was now ready to comfort the man through anything. Even if it meant that Neymar couldn't be in Oscar's life anymore. After all he'd do anything to see Oscar happy. 

" Oscar I don't know why you wanna do this but its okay" 

Neymar whispered as he rubbed Oscar's back and laid kisses on Oscar's cheeks. And Oscar finally let it all out as he cried into Neymar's shoulder. All the feelings and emotions that had been developing finally exploded. The whole situation had been way too much for Oscar's Heart. It msde Neymar so upset to see the other man hurting. He wanted to make it all play even if it was just for today. 

" Its okay?" 

Oscar asked as he finally stopped the tears flooding down his face. And Neymar softly nodded 

" Its okay, I don't know what tomorrow is gonna face but I'm gonna love you for today"

And he did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updates coming soon


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